


someday the time will come

by jhopefulyoongi



Series: our paths [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alpha Boo Seungkwan, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Blood, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Multiple Miscarriages, Omega Choi Hansol | Vernon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 13:12:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13904724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/pseuds/jhopefulyoongi
Summary: The first time, he didn't even know about them yetThe second time, he left work and cried in Seungkwans armsThe third time, he left a bloody mess and tears behind on the floor





	someday the time will come

**Author's Note:**

> takes place before the events of the wonhui part, so it can be read separately. 
> 
> as always, pls read all the tags before reading

Hansol had a habit of always wanting what Seungcheol had. Seungcheol’s eyelashes, his grades, and before he met Seungkwan, Jisoo. 

 

But when Seungcheol got pregnant for the first time, only a few years after he had graduated college, Hansol had never wanted anything that he had more. Hansol had never had any ill feelings towards Seungcheol, in fact, it was the exact opposite. Hansol idolized Seungcheol when they were in school since they were both majoring in Anthropology, the only difference being that Seungcheol was focused on cultural anthropology and Hansol was focused on linguistic anthropology. Seungcheol was an Omega, nurturing and kind, but also independent and stubborn. Hansol had been trying to find the balance within himself for years, and Seungcheol helped him with that, as well as all of his homework for his general Anthropology courses. 

 

When Seungcheol got good grades, Hansol was proud of his hyung and asked for his help, and always felt thankful when Seungcheol agreed, staying up late into the night with him when he had a test to study for or a paper to write. 

 

When Seungcheol told him he didn't curl his eyelashes and that they were naturally that way, Seungcheol had laughed at the look on his face and taught him how to use an eyelash curler and mascara. 

 

When Seungcheol started dating Yoon Jeonghan  _ and  _ Joshua Hong, Hansol wasn't mad at his hyung. Seungcheol, Jisoo and himself shared an elective class together, and Hansol had always known that Jisoo liked Seungcheol, and that Jisoo just looked at him as a cute omega dongsaeng to look after. Seungcheol told him about the dates the three of them went on and showed him pictures and even though his heart prickled a little whenever he saw Jisoo, it didn't last long. 

 

Because the next semester he met Seungkwan, and Hansol’s feelings for him were even deeper than his feelings for Jisoo. His crush on Jisoo had been just that, a crush, but when he was with Seungkwan, he felt like they were meant for each other, and every moment they spent apart Hansol’s heart hurt a million times more than it had ever hurt because of Jisoo. Seungkwan had the Alpha protective streak, and he was loud and always spoke his mind, which Hansol liked, but he was also kindhearted and attentive, which Hansol also liked. They balanced each other out, even before they started dating, and it was surprisingly easy for them to go from best friends to best friends who were also together. 

 

So Seungcheol got pregnant, and Hansol realized he also wanted to have a baby. It wasn't as if Hansol only wanted something because Seungcheol had it, it wasn't that Hansol didn't like kids and then suddenly wanted them, but seeing his hyung who he admired and loved so much having a baby made him realize how much he wanted the same for himself.

 

Seungkwan and Hansol had been officially mated for two years and married for only one, but it wasn't hard for Hansol to convince Seungkwan for them to try to get pregnant. 

 

“Most Omega’s get baby fever around this age,” Seokmin told him when Hansol admitted to his friend that he and Seungkwan were trying. “I want to have one too,” Seokmin told Hansol, half hiding his face in a pillow and looking at him shyly. “But I’m waiting for Jihoonie to finish med school first.” 

 

“Are Alpha’s the same?” Hansol wondered.

 

Seokmin shrugged. “No idea,” He admitted. “Jihoonie hasn't said anything, but Seungkwan agreed right away and Jeonghan and Jisoo almost threw a party when Seungcheol told them, so maybe they do.” Seokmin sighed and rolled onto his back. “One more year,” he said out loud, more to himself than to Hansol. “If he even wants to have kids with me,” He added nervously. 

 

“Jihoon hyung is crazy about you,” Hansol assured Seokmin. “I’m sure he does.” 

 

Hansol was completely right, of course, but neither of them knew it yet.

 

… 

 

Hansol had three miscarriages before he would eventually deliver Jisuk to full term a few years later, two of which he wouldn't tell Seungkwan or anyone else for a long time. The first time it happened, Hansol didn't even know he was pregnant, and it was only when he went to his doctor because of stomach cramps that he was told that he had been around three weeks pregnant. Had been being the keywords.

 

“At three weeks, there's about a thirty percent chance of having a miscarriage,” his doctor told him while he wiped away the silent tears on his cheeks. “You can try again after a month or two,” his doctor told him not unkindly, but just factually since she knew he and Seungkwan had been trying. “I wouldn't worry yourself too much, Hansol,” she told him. “I know it's heartbreaking for you, even though you didn't  know, but the chances of having a miscarriage twice in a row are slim.” 

 

Two months later Hansol got pregnant again and miscarried when he was five weeks along. He had known he was pregnant beforehand, but he hadn’t told anyone yet, wanting to wait at least until he was two months before he told Seungkwan and raised any of his hopes, not wanting him to feel any of the pain he had felt if it wasn't successful. 

 

When he bled and had stomach cramps at work, he ran out without even telling his boss and went to the emergency room, telling them not to call anyone when they took him in for observation. 

 

When the words left the doctors left, her eyes sad for him, Hansol had released a heartbreaking whimper before he wrapped his arms around himself, rocking back and forth. When his crying turned borderline hysterical, they gave him a light sedative to calm him down so he wouldn't over work himself. 

 

“Do you want us to call anyone?” The nurse asked him again.

 

Hansol shook his head as his eyelids dropped and he woke up an hour or two later. He was sent home the same day with instructions to take it easy a little bit and to not try again for a few months. When he got home, Seungkwan was waiting for him in the living room, take out sitting on the coffee table and a few movies stacked up for him to pick from. 

 

“You’re home kinda late,” Seungkwan noted, giving him a tired smile. Hansol looked at him and wasn't able to say a word for a minute or two. He traced the lines of his face, his dark eyes, the mole above his lip, and that smile that always made him forget all of his sadness and stress. 

 

“Boss kept me for a little bit longer,” Hansol told him. He walked over to Seungkwan, and even though his smile didn't cure everything wrong like it usually did, he felt as comforted as he could while Seungkwan held him while he cried, asking what was wrong. 

 

“I don’t know,” Hansol lied. “I think I’m just stressed out.” 

 

“Come here, Solie,” Seungkwan whispered, pulling him further into his lap. Hansol whimpered and hid his face in Seungkwan’s shoulder, one of his hands tangled in the back of his shirt and the other clutching at the couch behind his mate. “It’s okay,” Seungkwan said, petting his hair. 

 

Seungkwan’s scent surrounding him, feeling his warm skin, hearing his comforting voice, Hansol thought about telling him. Not just about this one, but the one before as well. It was so painful though, Hansol’s heart was still aching for the first one when he lost the second, and he didn't want Seungkwan to feel the same pain. He knew he would feel horrible, would find a way to blame himself for it, and Hansol didn't want that. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn't anyone's fault. 

 

Maybe it was Hansol’s fault.

 

No,  the doctor told him he couldn't think like that. 

 

It wasn't his fault. 

 

...Right?

 

No, no it wasn't. 

 

Hansol leaned further into Seungkwan and let his husband hold him for the rest of the night. 

…

 

When Hansol fell pregnant the third time, Seungcheol was just a few weeks away from his delivery date. The doctor told him he was a little over a month pregnant, about six weeks, but he decided to keep it to himself once again. He was terrified of telling Seungkwan or anyone else just for him to fail again. It had been three months since the second miscarriage, and Hansol told himself not to get his hopes up. He had just gone to the doctor to confirm, but he wasn't going to get excited like the other few times, he wouldn't let himself, he knew it would hurt even more if he did. 

 

That didn't change how desperate he was, though. He wanted this pregnancy to go well, he wanted to finally have a baby. He wanted to be happy and he wanted to make Seungkwan happy. He hadn't pushed his body, he convinced himself. He had been sleeping and eating well and they only had sex a few times a week. 

 

Hansol didn't think about how much getting pregnant three times and having two miscarriages in a short amount of time of just a few months could be destroying and harming his body. The doctor had looked at him with nervous eyes, asking him if he been pushing himself and if he was in any pain. 

 

He felt tired a lot, no matter how much he slept he felt tired. He always wanted to go to sleep, no matter what time he woke up or how long he had worked. 

 

Before Hansol found out he was pregnant the third time, Seungkwan had voiced his worries about either of them being infertile after months of, as far as he knew, no results. Hansol had given him a smile and reassured him that these things took time, even when both of them were perfectly fine. 

 

The night Seungcheol went into labor, Jisoo called them practically shrieking his head off, and they had gone to the hospital, no matter how many times Seungkwan tried to convince them that he could sleep and they would go in the morning. 

 

When they arrived at the hospital, all their friends were in the waiting room. Minghao and Mingyu were sitting together and talking quietly, Seokmin was sleeping on Jihoon’s shoulder, Chan and Soonyoung were bickering over the last cookie in the bag they had gotten at the vending machine, and Wonwoo was sitting by himself on his phone. 

 

“Hey,” Seungkwan greeted them, making everyone look up. Besides Seokmin, who kept on with his nap. 

 

“Hey,” Wonwoo said from his spot on the floor, not looking up from the game he was playing. Chan rushed forward and shoved the last cookie in Seungkwan’s mouth while Soonyoung groaned and trudged off to buy another bag, giving them both a wave as he passed by. 

 

“I can't believe the cult is building,” Mingyu said as he approached them, Minghao following after and rolling his eyes at his mate's words. 

 

“We’re not a fucking cult, Mingyu.” 

 

“One of us, one of us, one of us-”

 

“Oh my  _ god.”  _ Minghao sighed and shook his head. “Ignore him, he’s overtired and very excited.” 

 

“Hey, you,” Minghao said to Hansol, bringing him into a light hug. “I haven't seen you in a long time,” Minghao said when they parted, looking at him closely. 

 

“Work,” Hansol explained half-heartedly. 

 

Minghao nodded in acceptance and gave him a gentle smile, but Hansol still felt like the other was watching him the entire time they sat in the waiting room, even when he looked up and found Minghao turned in another direction or doing something. Hansol sat silently with Seungkwan for most of the time, leaning on his shoulder and looking out long windows that showed them the dark sky and all the cars and people down below. 

 

It was almost four in the morning when Jeonghan came out of the double doors. He was smiling so hugely it must have hurt his cheeks, but it wasn't going anywhere, despite the dark shadows underneath his eyes and how obviously tired he was. Everyone’s heads snapped up and even Hansol felt excited to hear what Jeonghan would say. 

 

“2:17 am, 3.5 kilograms, 49 centimeters” Jeonghan announced his first borns birth stats proudly as the others stared at him in amazement. 

 

“What's his name?” Chan asked in a whisper. 

 

Jeonghan smiled brightly and ruffled his hair. “Come meet him and find out~” 

 

When they all entered the room, which Hansol was certain wasn't actually allowed, it was to find Seungcheol cradling a small bundle in his arms and Jisoo holding Seungcheol just as gently. His hair was swept out of his face and his face was still tinged red, but he looked happier than Hansol had ever seen him. A feeling of jealousy flashed through his chest, but Hansol beat it down, telling himself that if everything went well, he would be feeling the same in a few months from now. 

 

“His name is Jaehee,” Jisoo whispered to them.

 

“And he’s sleeping,” Seungcheol added. 

 

“So be quiet.” Jeonghan finished sternly before he joined the other two in looking down at their son with eyes overfilling with adoration and love. 

 

“He looks like Jeonghan hyung,” Seokmin said. 

 

“He looks squishy,” Mingyu said, which made both Jisoo and Jeonghan look up and glare at him.

 

Seungcheol laughed softly but immediately stopped when the baby whined in his arms, which made everyone else go silent in a second. 

 

Standing at the back of the room, Hansol felt a tear slip down his cheek. 

 

“I’ll be back,” he told no one in particular and then he rushed out of the room before anyone could see the rest of his tears. 

 

… 

 

It was supposed to be a nice day, it was warm and slightly breezy, as summer was close to beginning. He was nearing three months, and he was considering finally telling Seungkwan, and he felt happier than he had in a long time. It was one of his good days, one of the days when he could get out of bed on time and didn't have to completely pretend to be alright as he made Seungkwan coffee and tea for himself. 

 

Jaehee was a month old and Seungcheol, Jisoo, and Jeonghan, like the proud parents they were, had invited their group of friends over for a small celebration for their little one. Jisoo was barbecuing in the backyard, Mingyu, Seokmin, and Soonyoung eagerly looking over his shoulders the entire time, Jeonghan, Minghao, Chan, and Wonwoo were drinking some kind of crisp cider in the kitchen, Seungkwan, and Jihoon were playing volleyball using the clothing line as a net in the backyard, and Seungcheol was rocking the baby to sleep in the living room after feeding him, Hansol pressed into his side and watching with interested eyes. 

 

“I’m going to put him in his bassinet,” Seungcheol told Hansol quietly, getting up carefully and carrying the baby upstairs. Hansol sat on the couch for a moment, considering if he should get up and join the others in something or sit and wait for Seungcheol to come back. 

 

The sudden sharp pain in his abdomen gave him his third option. 

 

…

 

“Has anyone seen Hansol?” Seungcheol asked those who were mingling in the kitchen. 

 

“I think I saw him go to the bathroom...maybe fifteen minutes ago?” Jeonghan offered.

 

“Fifteen minutes?” Seungcheol repeated in concern. 

 

Seungcheol had meant to go right back downstairs as soon as he put Jaehee down, but he had gotten distracted. His son was just so adorable, Seungcheol could have stood there and watched him sleep for an eternity, but he had finally snapped himself out of it and gone back downstairs. He had seen months ago that Hansol wasn't quite acting like himself, and he had wanted to finally sit down with him and talk about it. Both of them had seemed busy the last few months, and whenever they saw one another it was in passing or at some event where they didn't get to talk in private. When he tried to call it would go to voicemail and whenever he text Hansol, they would talk for only a few minutes and then Hansol would tell him he was tired and say goodnight. 

 

“I’ll go check on him,” Minghao offered, setting down his drink and disappearing down the hallway. 

 

…

 

“Hansol?” Minghao called softly, knocking on the door. He had been expecting an answer, but the silence that met him worried him immediately. He knocked harder on the door and then tried to handle, but it was locked. 

 

“Go away,” Hansol’s said weakly on the other side, not sounding like himself. 

 

“What's wrong?” Minghao asked. “Do you need me to bring you clothes or anything like that?” 

 

“I said, go away,” Hansol shouted. “I’m fine, hyung, just go, please.”  

 

Minghao sighed and leaned back from the door, deciding that he would go get Seungkwan or Seungcheol and get them to convince Hansol to open the door. He hadn't taken more than a step or two away from the door when he heard a crash on the other side of the door and broke the door down without a second thought. He had intended to rush to Hansol right away, but what he saw made him freeze in place. 

 

“GET OUT!” Hansol screamed, throwing a busted bottle of hand soap in his general direction. 

 

Blood covered the floor and Hansol’s clothes, it was over his hands and his arms, it stained the beige tiles and porcelain sink and the metal towel rack Hansol had likely used to try to stand up if the bloody handprints on it were any indication. 

 

“There’s so much blood, why is there so much blood,” Hansol whispered to himself, head hanging low as he fruitlessly tried to wipe up the blood with one of the tiny towels meant to dry one's hands. 

 

Minghao didn't know what to do, panic and worry consumed him and without him realizing it he let out a loud, piercing cry for his mate. Being much closer than Mingyu, Wonwoo reached the bathroom first, having heard him yell out so loudly. Wonwoo froze just like Minghao did, but only for a second. He went into his doctor mindset in a matter of seconds.

 

“Go out in the hallway, Minghao, go to Mingyu,” Wonwoo told him before he slowly and cautiously approached Hansol, who was kneeling in his own blood and shaking from head to toe. Wonwoo’s eyes ranked over his lithe frame for the source of the bleeding and his heart sank when he saw that it was all dripping out from the backside of his pants. 

 

“Hansol,” Wonwoo said softly, stepping just the slightest bit closer. 

 

“So much blood,” Hansol was saying. “I don't know, I don't know what happened…”

 

“It’s okay, Hansol,” Wonwoo said. “Hyung is here, let me help you, okay?” 

 

“Wonwoo hyung?” Hansol croaked, looking up at him as if he had just realized he was there. 

 

“Yeah, it’s just me, Hansol, come here,” Wonwoo encouraged him gently kneeling down despite the blood on the floor and letting his arms fall open. “Let hyung help you, alright? We’re just gonna clean you up.”

 

“Why is there so much blood,” Hansol asked him, tears slipping down his cheeks. “I’ve never seen so much blood, it's everywhere, I cant-he’s gonna be so upset, this is all my fault, I’m so sorry-”

 

“It’s okay, Hansol.” 

 

Wonwoo let out a sigh of relief when he heard Soonyoung’s voice. 

 

“Let’s get you up, okay?” Soonyoung asked Hansol, helping Wonwoo gently get Hansol up and off the floor. “Don't worry about the blood, it doesn't matter, we’ll clean it all up.” With their guidance, Hansol made it out into the kitchen space, where everyone else was squished together and anxiously waiting. 

 

Jihoon stepped away from the group and observed Hansol just as Wonwoo and Soonyoung had. 

 

“Hansol,” Jihoon said as gently as possible. “Is there any chance you were pregnant? We need to know if it was a miscarriage or if its something even worse.” 

 

Hansol looked down at his hands, his pale hands covered with blood from the tips of his fingers down to his wrists. 

 

He looked up and met Seungkwan’s wide and trembling eyes, 

 

“I’m sorry, Kwannie.” Hansol whispered, and then he fainted into Jihoon’s arms. 

 

…

 

Hansol hated hospitals, but he hated waking up in them even more. He knew where he was as soon as he opened his eyes and saw the white ceiling, and heard the beeping of the IV drip in his arm. Something felt strange though, the skin on his lower left abdomen felt tight and when he touched it, it was only to find gauze wrapped around his lower half. The memories of what happened hit him like a truck and a loud, pained wail escaped his mouth as he realized what had happened. Again, it had happened again, for the third time. 

 

“Calm down, Hansol, please, baby, please,” Hansol didn't even notice Seungkwan enter the room, but when he did he turned away from him and curled up on his side, too ashamed to even look at him. 

 

“I killed them, I killed them,” Hansol sobbed, covering his face with his hands even as Seungkwan sat on the bed with him, holding him, cradling him in his arms as if he was the most fragile thing in the world. 

 

“No, baby, no you didn't, it wasn't your fault,” Seungkwan whispered. “It wasn't your fault, Solie.” 

 

Hansol grabbed onto one of Seungkwan’s hands and clung to him for dear life as his body shook with powerful sobs, endless tears falling down his face. Seungkwan  _ knew  _ now, Hansol lost their baby, and was going to hate him.

 

“I could never hate you,” Seungkwan said. “Never, ever. I love you so much, Hansol. I know it hurts, it hurts so much,” Seungkwan’s voice broke and Hansol whimpered in agony. “But I could never hate you for something out of your control.”

 

Hansol wanted to shout at him, he wanted to tell him that he had lost  _ three,  _ so there was obviously something wrong with him, something he wasn't doing right. 

 

“I’m here,” Seungkwan promised him, whispered gently in his ear as both of them cried, holding onto one another. “I’m not going anywhere and I never will, I promise.” 

 

… 

 

“I know you don't want to see me,” Seungcheol said to Hansol’s back, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. “But I want you to know that I’m here for you.” 

 

Silence.

 

“I know how you feel.”

 

Finally, Hansol spoke. “How could you ever know how I feel?” Hansol whispered. “You have your baby, I lost mine.” 

 

“Not all of them,” Seungcheol said after a moment of silence, which made Hansol turn around in shock and look at him. Seungcheol gave him a sad smile. “In college, a few weeks before I graduated, I got pregnant, but I didn't know it...and I had a miscarriage.”

 

“Why didn't you ever tell me?” Hansol asked. He remembered, he remembered those last few weeks before Seungcheol graduated. He looked stressed and sad and tired, never really talking to any of them and brushing them off, leaving their calls unanswered and their texts on read. He had thought it was just from the stress, but now he realized the person he had looked up to for so long had gone through the same pain he was going through. 

 

“I felt ashamed of myself, I hated myself, I wanted to die,” Seungcheol said. “It wasn't my fault, I know that now, but I didn't then. I didn't tell anyone, not even Jisoo or Jeonghan, for at least over a month. Actually, this is my first time telling anyone who isn't them.” Seungcheol smiled when Hansol turned towards him and he held one of his hands in his. “Don't push Seungkwan away, okay? He loves you, no matter what. I know, I didn't want Jisoo or Jeonghan anywhere near me, I felt ashamed whenever they touched me or looked at me, I thought they would hate me for it, but they were there for me and helped me get through it. Seungkwan wants to help you, and so do all of us, please,” Seungcheol gave his hand a delicate squeeze. “Please, Hansol, even if it's just a little or takes a long time, let us help you get through this. We all love and care about you, don't let this destroy you.” 

 

Hansol didn't say anything for a long time, he simply laid there and thought over Seungcheol’s words. It did, it did make him feel better, knowing that he would have someone who understood him, it made him feel better to know that he had his friends and Seungkwan ready to help him. It didn't take away the pain, it barely numbed a fraction of it, but he thought that with their help, maybe one day he could feel something close to peace. 

 

When he did eventually talk, it wasn't what Seungcheol was expecting. 

 

“Do you think I’ll ever be able to have kids?” 

 

“They took out the cysts on your left ovary,” Seungcheol said. “You’ll likely be able to, but I think it would be best if you didn't try for a while.” 

 

“Yeah,” Hansol whispered. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” 

 

… 

 

Hansol looked beautiful amongst the white roses. Everyone had come over to help him dig up the back garden, but they went inside when Hansol prepared to plant his flowers. Even Seungkwan decided it was best if he let Hansol do this on his own, his Omega telling him it was something he felt like he had to do, telling him it would make a part of him feel better like he was at least able to put them to rest in a way. 

 

Seungkwan or anyone else still didn't know about the two other miscarriages, but Hansol didn't think it was the right time. Seungkwan was holding himself together well, but Hansol heard him crying in his sleep more than once, and his hands shook whenever he poured something. They didn't let it separate them though. Whenever they saw one another having a hard time, they immediately went to one another and held each other, whispering comforting words and wiping away each other's tears. 

 

Hansol made three lines of rose bushes, four of them in each row. They were so pure, those delicate petals, just like his poor little ones who had left him too soon. Hansol knew he would never forget them, no matter how little a time they had been with him, he still loved them and would always think about them, even years from now. Sometimes he thought he saw Seungcheol staring off into the distance, and he now wondered if he was thinking about his dear one who had just left far too soon just like he did.  

 

When he was finished, he didn't go right back inside. He sat out on the back porch on the staircase, and let out a deep sigh. He promised himself he wouldn't let his grief and sadness destroy him, and he was doing his best to do that. But sometimes his pain consumed him, even when he was doing good that day, even when something made him laugh or smile. He found that sitting by himself and letting himself think about them helped more than he could explain.

 

Sometimes, though, he didn't sit by himself. 

 

He heard the door slide open behind him and let out a sigh when his husband clasped their hands together. 

 

“They would have loved you,” Seungkwan told him. “Even more than you love them.” 

 

Hansol didn't think that was possible, but it made him smile anyway. 

 

“I don't want to say ‘you will be’ because you already are to them...you’re an amazing father, Hansol.” 

 

Hansol’s smile softened and turned to Seungkwan.

 

“So are you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with hansols story just a few weeks after i first started publishing the original fic, so ive been wanting to write and finally publish this for months now. pls let me know if you'd like to see more fics for other pairings in this universe
> 
> also this is the first svt fic ive ever written were Junhui wasnt mentioned and it was so weird writing tbh
> 
> An added note: i do realize that the bathroom scene and planting flowers are similar to scenes from "The Help" so im gonna give credit where its due and say that it did give some inspiration to those parts of this fic. 
> 
> twt: lemonjunnie


End file.
